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Living In Grace

A Christ inspired work dealing with American Christian Culture in the New Century.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Midnight Introspection

I am sitting here on this Friday night wondering to myself why?  The questions come one after another just as the dawn follows the night day after day and night after night.

Why am I so blessed?  I have done nothing to deserve the goodness of our benevolent Creator and never will as His manifold mercies envelop me daily.  The three boys who bring both joy and frustration ( one just woke up and crawled into my lap ) are a testament to the goodness of God.

My wife who so patiently endures my idiosyncrasies is my helpmate and my support while walking down this narrow path toward that Heavenly City.

Why has God called a wretch like me to share in this glorious salvation?
If those around me knew the depth of my depravity they would recoil in horror at the sin that has been forgiven and but for the grace of God  would  rear its ugly head in blasphemous glee today.  If by some stray revelation those nearest to me  became privy to the often times murderous and wicked thoughts of my heart would they flee into the night?  Would they shelter their children and hide their pets from this Hyde that Jekyll cannot conceal?

How could a Holy and Righteous God love me?  He really knows me and yet He loves me.  He does know those thoughts that lurk below the surface and would cause bystanders to run screaming to safety.  He knows the wretched condition from whence He called me  and yet His love never fails.  What manner of Grace is this?  What kind of God would give Himself to save me?  What an amazing love that He has shown in calling me from the darkness into the Light and quickening this mortal body from the death that held it.

Why do I do this?  Why do I write down for others to share what is racing through my heart and mind?  Will someone somewhere be edified by my writing?  Has God truly called me to this and gifted me to fulfill His purpose or am I self-deceived and vain in my imaginations?  Only God truly knows the answer to that but it is my prayer that as long as this continues that if one person is shown the Gospel or discipled in some way then it was worth it.

Is doubt from God to keep a prideful man humble or from Satan to try and deter God's work?  Both?  I am not speaking of a lack of faith in God but rather a lack of faith in one's self.  Is a certain measure of doubt beneficial?  I am coming to the conclusion that it is good for me as long as it does not hinder my walk with my Lord.  For me to doubt myself is to place my trust wholly in God  as I put no confidence in the flesh. By surrendering all my hopes and dreams to the One who has saved  and called me according to His purpose I am forsaking self and trusting Him.

It is coming to me now, something that I know and repeatedly forget, it is not me anyway.  It is God and His glory.  It is Jesus and His sacrifice upon that cruel instrument of death, the cross, that secured my salvation and the payment for my sins.  It is truly and forever by His Amazing Grace that I have been saved and set free.  Free from my past and free to pursue the future God has for me.  Free to raise my children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  Free to love my wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it.  By becoming a slave of Christ I am now truly free.  I was purchased with the precious blood of Christ and I am not my own and because of that I am free from the guilt and shame of the past.  He has given me Eternal Life and he whom the Son sets free is free indeed.

I think I know why I do this now.  It brings me closer to God.  I do it for me, not selfishly, but because through this medium God speaks to me and draws me to Himself in a way that never happened before.  I do it for my kids and for my wife.  I do it for God, not to be the best or brightest out there, but to be faithful to what He has called me to.  I do it because God has given me a unique perspective from which to speak about His unchanging truths and to reflect His light into a dark and sinful world.

I do it because I love my Lord and I want please the One who died for me.

God bless you all.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I almost never drop responses, however i did a few searching and wound up
here "Midnight Introspection". And I actually do have a couple of questions for you if it's allright. Could it be just me or does it seem like a few of these remarks appear as if they are left by brain dead folks? :-P And, if you are posting on additional online sites, I'd like to follow anything new you have to post.
Would you list of every one of all your social sites
like your linkedin profile, Facebook page or twitter
feed?

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January 30, 2013 at 8:27 PM  

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